Poetry of A Madman

By

 

the Knight Stalker  

     K

          S

 

 

Loosing it all

 

Friends that helped me climb

But then just watched me fall

People tried to help me make it

But didnt care when I lost it all

Trust is an issue and I am insane

And it hurts with all these lies

With every lie that I’ve been told

Another part of me dies inside

Sentimental tears kill us all

Some things are so hard to let go

All of this has made me a little stronger

And theres so much more I know

 

 

LOSER

 

Like the predecessors that came before me,

I work hard, and apply myself,

But to no avail.

A loser

In the world of academia

Second best

In the planet of athletics

Last in line

In the universe of love

A loser

In life.

As I sit and wait,

In my solid sturdy box,

I watch.

He gets the valedictorian award.

She gets her athletic scholarship.

He gets his citizenship award.

She and him get married.

But I.......

I sit and wait.

But no award or prize comes to me.

There is no award

For the one that works the hardest,

But in the end loses.

 

They've Got the Girl

 

I stare, I look as others pass,

And I look at what they accomplish.

They've got the girl.

They are dumb.

They are weak.

They are fat.

and yet........

They've got the girl.

For what they have, I do not,

But I know of not what that is.

I cannot see what that I lack.

Like a bee without honey,

All bees taste the sweet nectar.

I have yet to find my flower.

And they've got the girl.

No matter how hard I try,

They pass by with ease,

As if I'm diseased

Never looking or considering.

Brushing aside my giving heart.

Oh, how I want to be so close,

But it is now, I am so far.

Others, dumb, weak, and fat

Pass by with mates by their side.

They've got the girl.

Leaving me alone,

With a broken heart in hand.

 Song of the Everman

Slowly I come like a thief in the night,

What I am doing is not right.

I thanked the god he left me alive.

The sentence is passed I have no fear,

I live forever, my time is near.

 

I died today and then returned,

Killed by a priest who’s god I spurned.

Now I look for idols to burn.

I am the Everman,

I can do what I think I can..

The loss of a life it matters not,

Fo without them my soul would rot.

 

The Everman watches friends live and die,

Always hoping his time is nigh.

To be released is his last wish,

He cannot take much more of this.

The life he lives is no more,

But he must live it evermore.

When I am he and he is me,

Why won’t you just leave me be?

 

 

Oblivion

 

Oblivion is where I find,

Slowly I have lost my mind.

Penguins they still steal from me,

What is mine but cannot be.

 

Oblivion, that lowly state,

Where I wait for my fate.

What is lost is now found.

It only seems there are no bounds.

 

Oblivion is what I seek

The Lord did not make me meek

I won’t give up this fight of mine

Untill oblivion I find

 

Now I Do Not Care

 

I’ve been through it all,

and through these eyes I have saw,

that nothing really matters.

I've been put down, thrown around,

and through it have not made one sound.

I now have a sound.

Now I do not care.

 

My hopes were all but down.

Then she took my heart out,

and threw it on the ground.

She used me like a toy,

like an innocent little boy,

But now I do not care.

 

I thought that we were friends,

But then a girl went between our ends.

He stabbed me in the back.

With that, his trust I did now lack.

But now I do not care.

 

We went to the movies.

We went to the park.

But then at the party,

She put me in the dark,

"We’re just friends" she said,

As she stabbed me in the head.

But now I do not care.

 

All these facts are true,

Of each named K, G, and Blue.

I overcome each problem,

Only to find one new.

So let more come, because

Now I do not care

 

 

Envy

 

A young girl sits in the corner,

She sits, and I hear her sigh.

I was at first so happy,

But it was all a bitter lie.

 

I feels so hollow and empty,

And she really wants to die.

So with her sleeves, covers her face,

And I quietly begin to cry.

 

In her soul is hatred,

So she sits there wiping her tears,

I cry and cry and cry,

I let it all out after so many years.

 

The lights become dim,

Oh no! I know what's on her mind.

I hope, I beg, I pray,

That happiness I'll soon find.

 

If not- she's going to commit suicide,

She's tired of hiding in the dark,

Afraid of her life, of what she's done,

I’ve already made my mark.

 

The girl sees the razor,

And her tears fade away.

For she knows this is the end,

Today is the day.

 

She thinks this is the right way,

But I know she is wrong.

She's killing her future- her dreams,

I guess now she's not so strong.

 

 

She grabs the razor,

And slowly slits her wrists.

My world fades away,

Slowly- into black mists.

 

She was a bright girl, this wasn't her fate,

But why do I care and why do I cry?

I realize the girl in the corner was not I.

 

The Candle

Little Candle

Burn so bright

Holding back

The starry night

But if I were

To blow you out

Would I have cause

To scream and shout?

For the night is safe

And withholds the light

Of painful memories

Of Malice and Spite

But all too soon

The night starts to fade

Caused by the coming

Of the new day

And all of my angers

Fears and despairs

Are exposed again

By the sun's cruel rays

So Little Candle

Burning so bright

Should I destroy you?

Would that be right?

With one little puff

You would be away

My dark side hidden

Until the next day

But your light that flickers

Gives me solace tonight

Withholds all the pains

That give me reason to fight

So while I battle

Against memories and fears

I'll allow you to burn

To dry up my tears.

 

depressive without a cause

 

So here I am, sitting

Alone in the dark again

What a perfect metaphor

I'm so tired of this

I know I have no reason to feel this pain but

Of course I can't stop it now

 

It's nights like this when

I don't want to hear solutions

And my dreams just tease me

With promises of a better tomorrow

That isn't today yet

And patience isn't one of my virtues

 

What, you mean this isn't normal for me?

Either I'm  good at hiding this or

I spend a lot more time than I like to think

Lost in my head

Angst may be fashionable these days, but

I'd much rather be a happy geek

 

 

Identity=Trap

 

 

I am a dragon, breathing poetry, surviving on magic.

I am a horse, kicking and running, racing thunderstorms.

I am a shepherd dog, tending my small flock, fierce and loyal.

I am a cat, aloof, graceful, creature of comfort.

I am a human, worrying about tomorrow, proud of my fingers.

I am the metaphor through which I am expressed.

I am myself. All that I am and all I’ll never be.

Our identities trap us all.

 

 

 

Definition of Me

 

 

Fierce

A forest fire, a desert

A flood-swollen river

An avalanche

Powerful

Gravity, tides, wind

Sunlight, starlight

The changes of the moon

Proud

Centered in being

Never justifying

No regrets

Patient

Learning to be gentle

Wisdom through time

Willing to compromise

Beautiful

Perfect in form, whatever that form may be

Uncomparable

The grace of a predator

Freedom

Freedom to fly

Freedom to be bold

Freedom to be what you are,

No more,

No less.

 

 

The Neverman

 

I went running for what was real,

But fell asleep behind the wheel.

Now I am the Neverman,

Doomed to walk this twisted land.

Where I’ve roamed I can call home.

I reach for the light but I’m not alone.

 

Now I think, I hear, and feel,

What was lost but is not real.

Traces of insanity I can find,

It’s hard to tell what is my mind.

I’m not blind but still I know,

I cannot see through all this snow.

 

I can’t find myself,

I’m lost in th shadows.

Take me home to Neverland.

For I am the Neverman.

 

In the clash there was the light

I turned my back and chose to fight

Now I live but cannot be,

What I love cannot be seen.

For I am the Neverman,

Forced to walk this mortal land.

Let me fight my own fight,.

What you do cannot be right.

Advice From  The Neverman

 

 I’ll tell you my story, I think it is true

Best be careful lest it happens to you.

The sleep of death is what I crave

Look for me beyond the grave.

If you find your love so true

Don’t leave it or it will devour you.

 

The lives we lead are not our own

It takes the worst to drive this home.

Only the cowards stay to fight.

Be prepared we all might die tonight.

We are at once both dark and light

Only the strong survive the fight.

 

The winners are victims the losers free.

Cant you see this has happened to me?

Th moral of this story at least is true

Give it up it belongs not to you.

Do not fight ‘till the day is through

When the fight is over your foe is you.

 

The Neverman tells all

I wandered into the Everworld,
Through the Land of Loss.
I started the search to fulfill my quest,
To win and beat the boss.
Through a hole in space and time itself,
I came here from afar.
Now I feel like straps have held me back,
Stopped me like a bar.
And now that I am trapped here,
I watch the world I use to know.
I ask myself if I can ever return,
And the answer is always No.
They all have eyes but they cannot see
The gradual flow of time.
I gaze at them and I can see their hearts,
Yet though they look they will never see mine.
They all have ears but they cannot hear
The outburst; the call of pain.
Nor the laugh of imagination that flies
Without restrictions; wild yet tame.
It is as if I'm invisible
To the naked eye.
And it is as if I'm silent,
For they cannot hear my cry.
As I gaze up to the vastness,
The deep that holds the stars,
The emptiness catches on fire.
I watch in horror as it chars.
The flame travels to my being,
As it shatters without a sound.
And a single tear rolls down my cheek,
To settle on the ground.

Ripped Ap|art

All those years, I was silent,
I never once cried
While you were there.
So you never saw my pain,
Because I never told you
Just how deep my feelings of anguish went.
I was told when you reach the end of your rope, to tie a knot and swing.
I had left the rope before I even knew that it was gone....
But no one had told me I was nearing the end.
How could they know?
I was looking up, wondering how to climb....
They were looking up, thinking I was fine....
But no one ever looked,
And no one ever asked.
So I was silent. I cried silent tears,
I dreamt silent dreams....
Everything was silent, except for my pain.
Then I could be silent no more.
And my pain ripped me apart in the blink of an eye;
And I was gone.
And you all heard my cry,
And came to help.
Only now, it was too late.

 

The past is gone
To hide from my past
I changed my name.
Andrew is what you call me,
but I know not my real name.
Pretending to be someone I'm not
was only a deceiving game.
Not just to myself, but to you
my friends I hang my head in shame.
The past was lived through,
and now is gone.
I've started a new life with
each morning dawn.
Andrew has died: please let him go.
I am alive: Now watch me grow.

Tales of a Rambling Mind

 

What is this place we see and feel?

Can you tell me what is real?

Searching for what’s reall and not,

Has caused my only mind to rot.

 

The shadows play illusions grand,

So reality cannot make a stand.

Computers put us all to sleep,

And bid us count electric sheep.

 

The day approaches it’s drawing near,

We are all united in fear.

The world is in danger that is true.

We are the enemy me and you.

 

Demons

 

We build our hells one at a time,

I’ve seen yours please don’t look for mine.

A lie, a sin, barred doors all,

Waiting for the angel’s fall.

 

Demons haunt the soul

Of the one who’s committed all

The dark deeds foul.

At the death him they disembowel.

 

They drag the soul down to hell.

When they hear his death knell.

The love of God can save him

If  he’d only let it in.

 

Demons of old still exist

On the good men they subsist.

New ones this day are made

Personal demons bid me, “Be afraid!”

 

These I carry, I won’t let loose,

My sins have come home to roost

Onward I fight, ten more will die tonight.

More will come my soul to bite.

I'll Fight

My life, as I see,,

Has meaning to me,

But you suck out the color

And leave only gray.

You take more than I have

And expect me to pay,

But I won't collapse.

I won't crumble down.

I'll take up these thorns

To wear as my crown.

I'll fight with the daggers

Called Suffering and Pain.

I'll purge with the fire

That fueled my hate.

You want me to kneel,

But only in return

I want you to DIE

and your soul to burn.

Never Give Up

This stupid little game

Angers me to the point

Of boiling my blood

And pulling out my hair.

It angers me even more

To see others play and pass,

While I remain behind

Because I'm inadequate.

Why can't I be smarter?

Why can't I be quick?

Why can't you all just burn in hell

And leave me alone?

But I never give up -

I haven't yet.

I'll climb up this mountain

On bloodied hands and knees,

Wrestle my life out of your claws,

And push you into the abyss.

My Animal Rage

I try to make peace

With the monster inside

But you open your mouth

And I just cannot hide

The animal rage

That fills up my mind

The purest of hate

I can no longer bind.

My teeth become blades,

My nails turn to claws,

But shock blanks your face

As you realize the cause

The mistake you have made

And what you have said

Don't blame yourself now,

For soon you'll be dead

I ripple with fur,

Eyes focused and cold

I stalk to my prey

Terror gripping your soul

I begin my work

With precision finesse

And remove your skin

Like a new lover's dress.

Good-bye bitch!

This Monster

This monster was made

By my friends, I'm afraid,

Whose soul was twisted

By anger and shame

Fed by loneliness

And left out to die

With no where to go,

But now I'm inside

Don't turn your back

Don't turn out the light,

I'm waiting here

In shadows and night

With a blackened heart

And vengeance to seek

The guilty cry out

From the harvest I reap

           Useless

                                                  I sit here 

                                                   thinking

                                               useless thoughts

                                                useless efforts

                                                 useless hope

                                                 I am falling 

                                                    falling

                                                 never to rise

                                                 never to rise

                                                    and I see

                                                    behind me

                                                all the mistakes

                                                   of my life

                                                  many mistakes

                                               useless information

                                                   useless life

                                                  I could end it

                                                  I should end it

                                                 but I've friends

                                                    many friends

                                                  who I would hurt

                                                   I cannot end it

                                                  I will not end it

                                                              my life

                                                              will go on

                                                             never to rise

                                                             never to rise

                                                   and as I lie here

                                                   bleeding thinking

                        of all the friends I hurt

                        of all the friends I left

                                          perhaps one of them will wander by

                                                      and see me

                                                     lying here

                                                      bleeding

                                                     never to rise

                                                     never to rise

                                                    and at the end

                                                   of my useless life

                                                                 I see

                                                    my past float by

                                                               and I see

                                                   my best friends cry

                                               and I wish I were not here

                                                  I wish I was not dead

                                                             never to rise

                                                             never to rise

Puppet Masters

I may look like a human on the outside

but I'm not

I'm a puppet

made of flesh and bone

but a puppet nonetheless



I've been a puppet since I've been born

my parents are holding the strings

they've been doing so since I've been born

no one ever asked me if I wanted to be my own person

no one ever asked me if I wanted to be a puppet

tied to strings all my life long

of course, I wasn't supposed to notice it

you don't feel the strings until you try to go in a direction they consider wrong

It's only once you try to escape and be your own person

do you realize that you're just a puppet on a string



I tried to go off and change myself

I didn't want to grow up to be like my family

but then I realized I'm just a puppet on a string



they control my every move

If I do something they don't like they get mad

they do all that is in their power

to keep me from gaining my independence

I have to get good grades

I have to behave

I have to obey them

or else



I never wanted to be like them

I knew that since I was little

but only now have I realized that I'm just a puppet on a string



this has been going on for almost 18 years

It's only in the last two that I've discovered what's going on

I've only been fighting back for a year

but someday

this puppet is going to break his strings

I'll move away from them

I won't do anything they say

I will start to move myself a little every day

until the strings move from their hands to my own

and I'll no longer be a puppet on a string



I'll never be a puppet again

I want to grow for myself and heal the wounds I got

from being a puppet on a string



I have finally realized that I don't have to be

a puppet on a string

I don't have to follow them my whole life and be

a puppet on a string, but this puppet has a knife

someday soon this puppet is going to cut his strings

I'm going to take control of my life

pull myself out of this downward spiral I am in

I'm going to change myself until I'm no longer

a puppet on a string



and when I'm not a puppet anymore

I'll be able to be free

and I'll know I made the choice to no longer be

a puppet on a string

I Come for My Own

What you have

I'm gonna take

What you love

I already hate

The flames you see

On everything you need

Will be the price

You pay to me

The ashes of life

That you once knew

Will haunt your mind

And disturb your view

They'll fill your heart

With loss and pain

I'll laugh at your loss

And revel in my gain.

Flowers and Butterflies

Flowers and butterflies

Don't exist

Thorns and maggots

A festering cyst

Pretty and beautiful

Not in my dictionary

Suffering and pain

Make my vocabulary

Truth and justice

Wouldn't it be nice

Lies and immorality 

They will suffice

Life and health

Dreams of the weak

Death and disease

Reality for me.

Est Solarus Oth Mithas!

Fare thee well,

the Knight Stalker

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house!